Mr Al-Khapoun's Christmas Quiz, 2002

Never one to miss an opportunity, Mr Al-Khapoun, of the Philistine/Liberace Organisation, hereby presents his annual threat to peace and prosperity. Below are ten quotations to be identified as accurately as possible, although at least as much credit will be given for entertaining wrong answers. Translations (pretty loose ones) have been given of the three that are in languages other than English. Two of the quotations are in fact themselves translations, again possibly pretty loose ones. Some clues will be made available around January 25th and the answers will be revealed at the end of January.
  1.             Ancora un anno è bruciato,
                senza un lamento, senza un grido
                levato a vincere d'improvviso un giorno.

    Another year has burned away, without any wailing, without even a cry raised to save, unexpectedly, a single day.

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  2. By means of glasses, hotbeds and hot walls, very good grapes can be raised in Scotland, and very good wine too can be made of them at about thirty times the expense for which at least equally good can be brought from foreign countries.

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  3. And I say unto thee again: Knowest thou of any one that can translate? For I am desirous that these records should be translated into our language; for, perhaps, they will give us a knowledge of a remnant of the people who have been destroyed, from whence these records came; or, perhaps, they will give us a knowledge of this very people who have been destroyed; and I am desirous to know the cause of their destruction.

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  4. For neither might the corner that held them keep them from fear: but noises as of waters falling down sounded about them, and sad visions appeared unto them with heavy countenances. No power of the fire might give them light: neither could the bright flames of the stars endure to lighten that horrible night.

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  5. To me at least this modified blizzard was a great relief, though we all knew that our gear would be worse than ever when the cold came back. It was quite impossible to march.

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  6.             O pale departure, dim disgrace of day!
                Winter's in wane, his vengeful worst art thou,
                To dash the boldness of advancing March!
                They chill persistent rain has purged our streets
                Of gossipry; pert tongue and idle ear
                By this, consort 'neath archway, portico.

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  7.             At nunc, quod superest, fer opem, precor, eminus unam
                            adloquioque iuva pectora nostra tuo,
                quae, non mendaci si quicquam credis amico,
                            stulta magis dici quam scelerata decet.
                Nec breve nec tutum peccati quae sit origo
                            scribere: tractari vulnera nostra timent.

    And now, please, I need you to advise me about my situation. I have been, if you will believe your old friend, fairly stupid but not actually criminal. It would be unwise, and tedious, to explain what caused all the trouble. Best to leave the wounds to heal.

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  8. Mais ce que m'indigne le plus, c'est le jésuitisme, - et jamais mot n'a été plus juste - le jésuitisme de ces gouvernants, qui pour avoir obtenu le mot Convention au lieu de Capitulation, en tête de ce traité déshonorant, espèrent, commes de sinistres et lâches fourbes, cacher à la France toute l'étendue de ses malheurs et de sa honte. Bourbaki laissé en dehors de l'armistice, qui est un armistice général!

    But what annoys me the most is the Jesuitry - the word could not be more appropriate - the Jesuitry of these our governors, who think that because they managed to get the word Agreement rather than Surrender put at the top of this disgraceful treaty they can, like underhand and cowardly thieves, hide from France the full extent of her ills and her shame. Bourbaki omitted from the armistice, which is supposed to be a general armistice!

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  9. Know that there have elapsed of this our day, which be Friday, and this Friday be the tenth of the month Safar in the six hundred and fifty-third year since the Hegira or Flight of the Apostle (on whom be the bestest of blessings and peace!) and the seven thousand three hundred and twentieth year of th era of Alexander, eight degrees and six minutes. Furthermore the ascendant of this our day is, according to the exactest science of computation, the planet Mars; and it so happeneth that Mercury is in conjunction with him, denoting an auspicious moment for hair-cutting.

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  10. The fixed stars are removed since Ptolemy's time 26 gr. from the first of Aries, and if the earth be immovable, as their site varies, so should countries vary, and divers alterations would follow. But this we perceive not; as in Tully's time with us in Britain, coelum visu foedum, et in quo facile generantur nubes etc., 'tis so still.

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